As I have been preparing for the Ms. Wheelchair America pageant I have retreated away from chaos into retreat. This has been both a miraculous and lonely place. I have had the shackles of my heart removed. This is a count of the things I have experienced and heard from the Lord. Last week the sermon was about love. 1st Corinthians 13 love. I left the sermon perplexed, frustrated and questioning. Overall realizing that I have not really loved the Christ loves. I am intolerant of negativity and disrespect. I am self protective and I am lonely. Loneliness is the open door that the devil uses to lead us into temptation. I have been drawn to temptation many times because of the pangs of loneliness. I have a huge wave to ride and my desire is to be deemed worthy to ride it. A couple prayer times mark my breakthrough. I was praying about my hearts desire for a husband. I heard "Don't settle. Ask him to fight for you. For you are worthy. " I think many women don't fight for their worth. It is easy to allow the pangs of loneliness to make alliances with less than what we are worth, just to not feel lonely. "Require the fire for any man who wants to hold your heart." The other thing I have been praying about is the reason behind why I see that I am worthy of a banquet, but have seemingly only had access to crumbs. I heard "Jenny, you have turned crumbs to gold because you have made the most of every opportunity. You have cried out from your lowly place and you have been answered." Will you allow God turn your crumbs into gold.